Playing with Impending Motherhood



I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever. What does it feel like to be tipsy after a few wines? Can’t remember. To be able to run? Unsure. To lie on your stomach? Wouldn’t know.

It genuinely feels like years. Alas my due date is fast approaching. 3 and a half weeks to go to be exact. However, if my baby is to be born on its due date it will be in the 5% of babies that are born on the exact date expected. Babies love to choose their own birthdays. I’m not focusing on that given date, more on the fact that AFL football finals will be around that time and chances are I’ll be at the MCG when things start to kick off. Uh oh. I can see it now.

Around this time you’re supposed to have all your ducks in a row. Birth plan, hospital bag packed, car seat fitted (that reminds me), stocked up on nappies, get more nappies, test the baby monitor. The list goes on, and on, and on, because in the final preparation stage comes the ridiculous amount of ‘stuff’ that the sneaky adverts, fussy mothers and baby bloggers suggest that you need when you’re having a baby. People ask “Oh have you got one of those baby wipe warmers so your baby’s bum doesn’t get a fright when you wipe it? You NEED one of those white noise baby shushers which also doubles as a night light. Get that $100 baby bath that changes colour so you don’t boil the baby?” Nope, none of that.

What on earth did our parents do with us - baby wipes weren’t even invented then? Shock horror! I haven’t been sucked into the “stuff” but I have most definitely started nesting. When I say nesting, I mean I’ve got OCD with cleaning. Get rid of that rug, steam clean the carpets, there’s fingerprints on the mirrors! My poor dad has come to visit from the UK and he has a horrible cold. I’ve been following him around wiping any surface he touches with Spray and Wipe, wearing a disposable mask I bought from the chemist. Poor dad. What has happened to me?

I do feel a little bit disappointed that I haven’t had any cravings. I haven’t delved into Milo or tucked into a bit of Spam at 2am. I am craving a big cold bottle of white wine with a whole wheel of camembert and salami… does that count?

So just over three weeks to go (possibly) and the question pops up - are you scared? Well, no I’m not scared of having a baby. Everybody’s doing it. Eve kicked us off when she ate that apple.

I’m scared of being responsible for a human life. Yesterday I left our gas cooktop on for the evening (was nice and toasty in the kitchen). I sometimes drive my car to the shops then walk home and forget my car is still at the shops. I cannot keep an orchid alive (apparently that is quite tricky though) and I definitely can’t even put the sheets on my bed by myself. Impossible. Looking after a baby is going to be one big old lesson in life. I heard your natural maternal instincts kick in as soon as the baby becomes earth-side. Pretty sure mine will need some warming up but I’ll keep you posted on how that all goes. My fiancé works for the Richmond Tigers and I am determined not to miss a finals game.