One Size fits All - The big Fat Lie
In July 2016 I was declared bankrupt - not my finest moment - and everything changed. A lot. I lost my car, had to move out of my home because I couldn’t afford the rent and found myself, single, penniless and homeless. As they say “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” and now I know that to be true. During this journey I’ve learnt many things and not just about money, because bankruptcy is not just about finances, it’s really a whole lot more than that...
As I sit in my downsized life, I can honestly say I am feeling more like myself than I ever have. I am joining the pieces of my life together as I dreamed it to be and not what I was led to believe it should be.
I spent years being “too sensitive”, “too crazy”, “too much”, only to find out that actually, being ‘too’ of all these things is exactly who I am. That’s not to say that I’m really crazy, I just think a little differently to others.
I’ve come to the understanding that the saying “One Size Fits All” is a load of crap. How can we all be unique and vibrant individuals if we’re all going down the same road, doing the same things and pretending to love it, just because that’s the way things are. It doesn’t make sense.
If I’m an auburn haired, left-hander with a penchant for good wine, the ocean, travelling and adventure, why on earth should I be on the same road as an auburn haired, left- hander who would rather stay home with her cats and a library full of movies about travelling and adventure, happy to work her nine to five. We’re the same age, same sex, have the same opportunities, live in the same city, yet we’re totally different. Our thought processes, our moral compasses, our beliefs all stem from elsewhere, yet we’re expected to take the same train to the identical destination. Piffle!
One of the greatest gifts I have received from my bankruptcy is the realisation that doing things like everyone else does, does not necessarily lead to the same conclusion. On the contrary, it is bound to look, feel, taste and be different. Why? Because we are different. One Size does not Fit All, so it’s time we stopped trying to squeeze into someone else’s ideal. It’s time we all found our own ‘fit’.
I believe there are three parts of life that most of us give a great deal of attention to – money, food, mind.
Without a handle on these babies, we’re in trouble, yet how many of us have really shitty attitudes to at least one, or all three of them. I know I have. It’s time to look at each one, roll it around in our hands, peel it open and really look at it, maybe even taste it. If it’s not looking or tasting too good, then it’s time for a change
Let’s go back to that saying “one size fits all” - it’s not exactly true. Recently my sister was considering joining a group for singles and asked me if I was interested. She then had to come back to me to let me know I couldn’t join because I am bankrupt. What? This got me thinking. A lot. Yes, I’m bankrupt but I’m not in same vein as, say Alan Bond. I quickly realised that it doesn’t matter how you come to be bankrupt, the title is the title so I better get used to it. Circumstances don’t come into play here; this is black and white.But what if it’s not.
It’s like saying “if you want to be in this group you have to dress like this”, “if you want to be taken seriously you have to behave like this”, “if you want to belong you really should do this”.
Don’t stand out, don’t rock the boat, conform, fit in...
After years of trying to fit in and doing things I believed I should do, because that’s how life is meant to be, I crashed and burned in a spectacular fashion. As I began to piece my life back together I realised that it was the best thing to have happened to me, because by hitting rock bottom, I found my ‘fit’, my ‘me’, who I am.
A life-changing event does just that - it changes us. It may be small, it may be catastrophic, but it changes us in ways we may not be prepared for. Mine was a blessing that has led me to now.
Every single one of us is on our own path and it doesn’t have to fit into anyone else’s ideal, but the one we believe in for ourselves. We are individuals - distinctive and original - which means what works for one, doesn’t necessarily work for another.
When it comes to money we all have our own attitudes to it. Food - this can be a minefield for many - from dieting to cooking, from junk food to freshness, we all have our own relationship to deal with.
Our mind - that beautiful part of us that is completely unique, can be our best friend and our worst enemy, just through our thoughts. The exciting thing is, as soon as we realise that we only have to fit in for ourselves and nobody else, we are free to fit in any way we choose.
One Size does not Fit All and I for one am throwing a big fat party over that!